stay strong. c:

and I hope the sun shines, and its a beautiful day, and something reminds you, you wish you had stayed. we can plan for a change in weather and time. I never planned on you changing your mind.

# heartache

# relationship

you left me, just like that. its almost like we never existed to you. :c

Anonymous asked

hi kate. i just want to start by saying you are beautiful. both inside and out. i really wish that this 'boy' you talk about all the time, could read your blog, and see what he has done to you. its not fair that you hate yourself because of him. no girl should ever feel that way. this guy, doesn't deserve you. at at.. everyone around you seems to see it, but you're the only one holding yourself back. YOU need to believe it. you deserve a man who is going to treat you like a princess. <3

helloo there. c: awweeh, sweetheart, thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. I love you. <3 you have no idea how much that actually means to me. you deserve the most perfect boy in the world. actually, no. not even then will he deserve you, because you are beyond that. c: xoxo. <3

I don’t know what else to say…. this is honestly breaking my heart. I just miss you more than words can describe. please, please come back.

blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly. all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise.

blackbird singing in the dead of night. take these sunken eyes and learn to see. all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free.

blackbird, fly. blackbird, fly. into the light of the dark black night.

exactly half a year ago today, November 14th, 2011, you asked me to be your girl…. I remember reading your beautiful message, that day was so blissful and perfect. I cried of complete and utter happiness, not one minute was left without a smile. I was so deeply in love. I lived and breathed off of you…. I still do. but things are unfortunately different. I miss you, I want us back. I regret keeping you and I a secret.

Anonymous asked

Hey kate, let me start by saying that I find you so inspirational. I look up ti you. We go to the same school. For the longest time I was so painfully jealous of you that it wasnt even funny. Not to e rude, but i almost.... Hated you. I thought you had it all. But now i just realize thahate myself. I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore because I'm so ashamed I tried ti stop eating, but it didnt work . I noticed you self harm. Me too. I've been doing it for a very long time. Since 09

helloo. c: ooh sweetheart, I am so sorry to hear that you’ve been hurting so much. it honestly breaks my heart. baby girl, I do not want you to hate yourself. I don’t even know who you are, but I love you. I believe in you. in just hearing a short part of your story, you seem so real and down to earth…. I promise you, I will do everything and anything to help. please message me on Facebook or text me…. I would love to talk to you, one on one. <3

our past almost haunts me…. someone once said, ‘they’ve promised that dreams can come true, but forgot to mention that nightmares are dreams too.’ I guess my ‘nightmare’ seems to define me now, and that breaks my heart. I can’t stand this…. I love you so much. you’re like my perfect poison. a drug for my heart and soul. I don’t know if you truly are good for me or not, I just know that it feels so right…. I miss you. you’re my home…. I can’t breathe without you.

Anonymous asked

How'd you stop?

hmm, thats just ‘it.’ I didn’t stop…. not many people can understand, but, it becomes a normal thing to do once you know its real. I still get that feeling of complete sadness. it just rushes over me sometimes, leaving me with nothing but utter emptiness. I feel numb to the world…. though, the way I see it, there is a ‘darkness’ inside of everyone. the only difference is, some can control it. others who cannot, their soul is almost consumed by their inner monster. it doesn’t mean they’re any different. it doesn’t mean they’re weak or fragile…. it is a reminder that you are real. there will be times in life when bad things do win, but please, be strong. for me.

Anonymous asked

Hey Kate. It's me again. So today I got home from school today and it was really bad:/ I am just so god damn tired of everything. I was digging the knife into my skin and when I pulled it away instead of the normal dents it showed blood. I finally broke skin. And I was surprised that it didn't hurt. So I decided to try in my left thumb and it didn't hurt either. Anyways. I just needed to tell someone that. I know it's wrong to do it. And I want to stop. But I don't know how. Your so Strong.

hello. c: ooh sweetheart, it breaks me to hear that. I am so sorry…. you have to know that absolutley everyone is worthy and capable of recovery. its okay, I want you to breathe…. just breathe. you will overcome. <3 I do know that feeling. there’s nothing really like cutting. it honestly helps, in a way…. sweetpea, I don’t want you to get it in your head that it is ‘wrong’ though. if you are sad enough to do it, then thats just it. thats all the reason you need. and, know that its okay to not be okay….

Anonymous asked

Heyy Kate. I just wanted you to know that I go to your school. We don't talk much but I still think we are kinda like friends. Anyways I found your blog a few days ago and it really shocked me to find out that you cut yourself. I noticed your leg today during the poetry presentation. I just wanted you to know I know how you feel. I don't cut myself but I dig knifes into my skin. I k ow what it feels like, the pain that releases your anger. I'm just glad you have good friends that are helping u.

helloo. c: thank you for your love and support, it honestly does help. I love you. <3 haha. I was wondering if you could tell me who you are? I would really love to talk to you more. <3

you and I walked together today. I remember when you gently touched my hand, intertwined your fingers around mine, and just held it. we walked holding hands today, and it felt so nice…. moments like this give me hope it will happen. I just have to be strong. c: <3

it’s time to chose a road. it’s time to be happy. and, I deserve to be happy too…. yesterday, I found myself me again. the monster faded. I was only Kate. smiling, laughing, dancing, singing. I felt free. I felt pure. it was so simple and easy…. I feel good again…. I’m happy. c:

recovery.

helloo all my sweethearts. I have missed you dearly. <3 ….I am sorry for my long absence from tumblr. I needed time for myself to start my journey towards recovery…. it has been so incredibly hard. I would wake up in the morning just feeling nothing but complete and utter hate for myself. nothing about myself was good. I feel like I have this darkness inside that haunts me every minute of everyday. I’m scared. I feel hopeless. I feel weak, because every night I lay in my bed tired, lonely and depressed, it wins. I deserve every cut, every drop of blood that weeps…. people would say, ‘you need to get help before it could lead to something worse. it could cost you your life.’ and my reply? ‘I’m already dead.’ I am so deeply fucked up. I’m lost…. I just don’t know what to say, I can’t find the words anymore to describe how I’m feeling. though, I guess I don’t even understand my own mind, I’m messed up. I would come home, go up to my bedroom, and just freak out. I would lay on the floor for hours on end, just crying my whole heart out. I couldn’t find the strength to stop or calm myself down. I find it so sad and unfortunate that I seem to have these mental breakdowns almost daily now. though, I guess that’s what depression does to you. I’m not even myself anymore. I’m just broken. shattered…. I don’t even know who I am. I need to find myself…. I got hurt. I got really hurt, and when that happens, something inside of me just shuts off. I had this ongoing feeling of complete and utter emptiness. I just felt numb to the world…. recovery does not mean cure. recovery is a journey. it’s a chance to try, to fail, and find the will to try again. it’s an incredibly difficult process, but I will find a way to bring myself back home. I am trying so hard…. I am sorry for all the pain and grief I’ve caused my loved ones. I wanted to say thank you to all those who have been there for me, holding my hand, guiding me, and picking me back up every time I fall. I love you. you all saved my life…. I will be back soon. <3